The ultimate dev political compass

Terror Cell Asset

Masters Student

Has a PhD

All their friends are employed

Actively targets CS majors

victim of MKULTRA

Regrets pursuing higher education

VR Chat Dev

Hasn’t been outside since March 2020

Investment Firm

Developer

One of 3 devs in the whole company

Made $65k in bonuses

Lockheed Martin

Engineer

Rocket Telemetry

Top-secret clearance

Devout patriot

Has to pass a drug to: every 3 months

NSA cybersecurity asset

Has access to state secrets

Will be assassinated by the government via remote car hack after they’ve completed their

CCP Cybersecurity

Independent

Engineer

Game Developer

Has 7 platformer

Proudly steals

games for $4.99 on Steam, sells

western

3 copies total per month

technology on behalf

Lives off Patreon

of the CCP

Legacy Codebase

Programmer

Maintains a 22-year-old codebase

Only person in the

company that knows what they are doing

Government

Contractor

Makes below-average salary

Project ended 6 months ago, gets paid

Browses Reddit all day

The Fed

Hunts child predators on the deep web

Active member of 27 extremist Discord

Ex-military,

went to school on

GI Bill benefits

The Saudi

Exchange Student

Went to an American university

Returned to Saudi Arabia to work for a petroleum company

Linux Kernel

The CS Professor

Engineer

Has a git alias

Knows every data structure, can’t center a div in CSS

for most obscure

Doesn’t even own a computer,

commands

all homework is done on paper

Fixes critical bugs, still underpaid

Devops

Hasn’t slept for 72 hours

On call 24/7

Can’t get another job because all they know is devops

FAANG Engineer

Has solved every Leetcode program

Makes 5300k/year, doesn’t spend it

Will code after work

Severe Aspergers

Engineer on

HR-mandated

Paid Leave

ample evidence of sexual harassment on Microsoft Teams logs

Will get fired in 2 weeks

The Job Hopper

Will switch jobs every 12 months, gets a 20% raise every time

Knows not to talk about politics at work

Contributes bare minimum,

spends all day on 4Chan

Unemployed

Asp.Net Dev

Graduate

Only knows Ca and SQL,

thinks every new language is a passing fad

Has a decent GPA, can’t write a resume

Will not touch a computer outside of work

Applied to 200 jobs. ghosted by everyone

Laid Off Engineer

Spent 10 years in the same job, replaced by a new graduate anyway

Linkedin profile updated

“Open To Work’

Data Science

Engineer

Didn’t even major

in CS, has a

Statistics degree

Works for an

insurance company

70% of their job now is writing code

will never use it in their career

Electrical Engineer

Took one programming class in college

Spent countless hours learning MatLab,

John McAfee

Wanted by federal authorities

Had a chance to cash out early, became a narco anyway

Dies under questionable

circumstances

Minecraft Modder

Will literally only program for

All-Women Startup

1.7M followers on Linkedin,

Minecraft

dilligently posting about toxic male culture in STEM

“Disrupting” the market

Has an office in an upcoming tech hub like

Nashville

Carbon Developer

Language released 2 weeks ago. somehow already an expert

Will fervently defend Carbon on all forms of social media

177.3K points on

Stack Overflow

Knows deep down

Carbon will be

abandoned by Googl anyway

Eastern European

Developer

Makes $15k/year

Will accept any GitLab ticket, doesn’t argue

Will never use another language

tasks

Python Developer

Spends 5 hours automating 5 minute

Defense Contractor

Contributes to development of autonomous weapons

“Someone will do it anyway”

Open-Source

AAA Game Dev

Developer

Worked 96 hours this week

Started coding

Tries to interact with gamers on

after they watched

Twitter, gets flarged for characters

the Matrix

in their game that’s outside

Developed

their control

entire C++ library.

has S10 in their name

JavaScript Dev Never went to college, started programming at age 7

Lives off

Knows

Adderal

17 JS

rameworks

Burnt out by age 25.

Empornium Admin

Expert in peer-to-peer data transfer

Website Ul hasn’t changed since

2011

Growing collection of NAS

hard drives

Schizophrenic

Developer

Developed TempleOS

Has a

documentary about them by Nexpo and Wendigoon

Silk Road Admin

Wanted by the FBI

Only uses public WiFi and Tails