[text] r/ProgrammerHumor • 2 yr. ago Cuddlyaxe I am now accepting girlfriend applications Hello everyone! CuddlyAxe corp is proud to announce that we are lifting our hiring freeze! We are excited to offer this (unpaid) girlfriend internship to help you develop your career, and perhaps even a full time offer (wife) down the road! Job Responsibilities Here at CuddlyAxe corp, we are a family with strong startup culture. Work hard play hard. This job is not for the faint of heart. Expect to work 7 days a week, but if you can, the benefits will be worth it • Passionate, driven and ready to be my girlfriend. We have a strong start up culture and regularly work 168 hour weeks and expect any new interns to fit in with our culture • Ask “what can I do for the company” instead of what can the company do for me • Don’t ask for money (annoying) • Respond to my 300 texts a day in a timely manner (within 30 seconds) • Tell me “wow you must be so smart” when I tell you I use arch Linux (and yes I use arch BTW, yes I’m amazed I’m single too) • Do all the housework and cooking and cleaning at my place while l’m an ungrateful slob misunderstood genius • Do Leetcode questions for me • Do interview questions for me • Do any tasks assigned to me at my job (no you will not be given my salary) • Let me wear clothes from your wardrobe because im going through something rn it’s nessecary for my programming • Tell me how my code is perfect and it’s the programming language that’s wrong • Whisper “you write good documentation” into my ear for at least 4 hours while I’m asleep • Okay video games but be worse than me so you don’t hurt my fragile ego • Engage in sexual intercourse Benefits While we don’t compensate our interns with unnecessary things like “money” or “healthcare” we do provide a whole host of other benefits • Great networking opportunities that last a lifetime (with me) • Great career development • Occasional praise • Bragging rights (you can brag about how smart your boyfriend is. Did I mention I use Arch btw?) • Knowledge that your work is making the world a better place
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